Big

Umar: Asmara, Dadda extra and Momma  less, or.. Momma extra and Dadda less?
Asmara: Momma big and Dadda big.

Bwahahaaa..!! She beat him!

Pink Myra

It was AMAZING!

I love you gals!!! :-*

Jangan Bersedih Lagi

Jangan Bersedih Lagi
Anuar Zain
2007

Kekasihku
Jangan bersedih lagi
Keringkanlah titisan air mata di pipi(mu)
Kekasihku
Tabahkan hatimu
Sekalipun tak pernah terduga
Halangan yang melanda
Melenyapkan
Impian bersama
Jangan dikesali
Atas apa yang terjadi
Mungkin rahmat sebaliknya
Membuahkan bahagia

Kekasihku
Aku tahu
Kita sama saling percaya
Tidak pernah
Ada dusta
Kasih antara kita
Jangan berduka (kekasihku)
Jangan berdendam pada sesiapa
Bersabarlah
Menerima
Segala-galanya dengan redha

Mungkin suatu hari
Kita akan bersama lagi
Aku masih mengharap
Segalanya kan
Berulang semula

Kekasihku
Aku tahu
Kita sama saling percaya
Tidak pernah

Ada dusta
Kasih antara kita
Jangan berduka (kekasihku)
Jangan berdendam pada sesiapa
Bersabarlah
Menerima
Segala-galanya dengan redha

Elmos!

Kids love the Elmos they got from Dad's cousin.
They have different materials with unique textures that provide a variety of proprioceptive sensory input.

Yumpop

Cheap, fast, easy, healthy, and loved by the kids!

- high-fiber helps promote gastrointestinal health
- antioxidants protect body cells from damage that can lead to disease
- low fat, low calorie

My first attempt earlier this year was by using this recipe
http://www.simplyrecipes.com/m/recipes/perfect_popcorn/

Keep it simple - just a pinch of salt -- easy to make, easy to clean up, and better for health too. I do itch for butter caramel occasionally, and it's yummy too.

I'll try garlic and cheese to season next time.

A Day with Mak

I don't get to spend a lot of time with Mak especially when she needs extra care now that we worry about her health. She needs more than I can offer. I have this guilt because I want to do more. Alhamdulillah my siblings understand my constraints. Anyway a few weeks ago we got a chance to have her at our place for less than 24hrs. Kids were excited with this rare moments. She was happy to spend some time with us. We even managed to visit the money museum and hang out at the cafe while waiting for Amira's art class. I just
wish I could get her some snack and drink there but I was really short of cash. But Mak has never been one asking for much. She always thinks of others.
Look how she even managed to fold our laundry at the last minute before she left! Thank you, Mak!

Muesli

I don't remember the last time I had muesli. This is
H
E
A
V
E
N
L
Y

:-) :-) :-)

Zzz

My baby falls asleep singing.
:-)

:-)

So Heavy

I Can See Clearly Now

The Haze is Gone
(for now)

Alhamdulillah.
The air is probably what we take for granted the most.
After months of haze and polluted air, we finally started to have clear air since last week. Maybe the wind from the forest fires is going elsewhere. It rains almost everyday here too and that helps to further clean the air.
The last time we went to the pool was the weekend before I got sick. Two months later, I got to take the kids to the pool again. Yay!

Good Morning

Good morning Asmara!
Good morning Momma!

I could see how her mouth struggled to form the words. It reminded me that this didn't come easy for her. But I saw her big smile as she said it, and I could feel how sweet the accomplishment is for her. We have a long way to go, baby. And I'll be there with you, Godwilling.

Saved

"You saved me, Momma"

:-)
Music to my ears

More

Quoting a mother's post:

What are the essences in helping our children to grow wonderfully (in our case, to catch up with other typically developed children)? SPENDING MORE. More time, more energy, more money. GIVING MORE. More love and more attention. I do not see how we can help our children without doing all of the above. Anyone manages to overcome autism without doing more of the above?

A Lot

I have a lot to worry about but I also have a lot of blessings to be thankful for. One of them is my dear friends. Thank you, for, again, helping me without me asking. Anybody would feel the LOVE. I am grateful.

Alhamdulillah.
All Praises to Allah, Al-Wadūd, The Loving-Kindness, The Most Affectionate.

21st of September

Do you remember the
21st night of September?
Love was changing the minds of pretenders
While chasing the clouds away

;-)

That was fun, alhamdulillah.
My darlings even gave late-night performances of singing, dancing, story-telling, and puppet shows! Thanks for the love!
What a blessing!

Oh The Blessings of Health!

The strength to take care of myself and my kids.. The ability to do things on my own.. The appetite to eat and rid of hunger.. The freshness of drinking water.. The sweetness of fruits.. The awesomeness of coffee..

Allah is The Most Gracious!

:-(

I miss this kind, considerate, funny person :-(

Blue

Even Tuesday is.
I am taking things for granted! Argh..!

For the Poor

Kids got some duit raya alhamdulillah. Nothing compared to CNY ang pow in red packets I heard, but it's more than they need. Since I also rewarded them with a little bit of cash for their fasting, they got a little extra too. So when calculating and handing out the $, I advised them to:
1. Save some
2. Give some
3. Enjoy some

Alhamdulillah they do. Umar is the most generous. He has always been, in spite of his being loud and borderline hyper! ;-) He still remembers the above advice even until a few days ago when he got a few ringgit from I-don't-remember what. May Allah keep his heart filled with compassions. And our hearts too.

O for Octopus

Asmara seems to enjoy the new school. She is eager to go as soon as we arrive.
The morning routine earlier (from bed to the car) is a different story! ;-)

Dengue

We are home today, alhamdulillah, after a few days staying at the hospital with Asmara.

Home is where the heart is. The coffee tastes right (the latte was great too but I couldn't have it every day), the couch comfortable, no Wi-Fi so kids are playing "real", creative games now.. And I can't wait to happily cuddle with everybody in our big bed tonight.

Alhamdulillah for the return of health for Asmara. May Allah protect us all.

Ujian

I got this forwarded in WhatsApp a few weeks ago. How true.

USAH BERSEDIH
1. Andaikata kamu dikhianati atau dilukai oleh mereka yg mempunyai talian kekeluargaan dgn kamu, usah bersedih. Ingatlah peristiwa Yusuf as, yg dikhianati oleh saudara2nya...
2. Andaikata ibubapa kamu, atau mereka yg kamu kasihi, menentang kamu ketika kamu berjalan di atas jalan kebenaran, usah bersedih. Ingatlah peristiwa Ibrahim as, yg dihumban ke dalam api oleh ayahandanya...
3. Andaikata kamu buntu di dalam permasalahan dan tidak nampak jalan keluar, usah bersedih. Ingatilah kisah Yunus as, yg terperangkap di dlm perut ikan.
4. Andaikata kamu didatangi penyakit, dan seluruh anggota badan kamu di landa kesakitan, usah bersedih. Ingatilah kisah Ayub as, yg ditimpa kesakitan dan pelbagai penyakit, disamping kehilangan ahli keluarganya.
5. Andaikata kamu melihat akan adanya kekurangan atau kelemahan pada diri kamu, usah bersedih. Ingatlah kisah Musa as, yg tidak dapat bertutur dgn sempurna.
6. Andaikata kamu difitnah dan dicaci oleh manusia di sekelilingmu, usah bersedih. Ingatilah kisah Aisyah ra, yg sabar setelah difitnah sehingga satu kota memperkatakannya...
7. Andaikata kamu rasa kesunyian dan keseorangan serta tiada yg membantu, usah bersedih. Ingatilah kisah Adam as, yg diturunkan ke muka bumi bersendirian sebelum bertemu kembali Hawa.
8. Andaikata kamu rasakan tidak ada kewajaran akan apa yg perlu kamu lakukan, serta detikan hati tertanya mengapa ianya terjadi, usah bersedih. Ingatilah kisah Nuh as, yg tanpa keluh dan tanpa tahu sebabnya, terus membina bahtera yg besar tanpa soal...
9. Andaikata kamu diherdik dan dicerca oleh saudara mara kamu lantaran kamu memilih agama dan kehidupan akhirat berbanding kehidupan dunia, usah bersedih. Ingatilah kisah Muhammad saw, yg dipulaukan dan diperangi oleh keluarganya yg terdekat...
Subhanallah... Masyaallah.. Allahuakbar...
Allah swt mewujudkan personaliti yg hebat2 ini sebelum kita, dan mendatangi mereka dgn pelbagai ujian dan cabaran, dgn tujuan agar satu hari nanti, manusia spt saya dan kamu, bila mana berhadapan dgn sebarang musibah dan tribulasi, tidak perlu berkata "KENAPA AKU?"..

Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah, All Praises to Allah.
I am grateful many times over.

When a bad thing is removed from me I remember it only shortly. Sometimes I forget how good things already are, and to appreciate them, and to act accordingly. May Allah, Al-Ghaffur, forgive me.

And sometimes I don't realize how I get suck into a situation so much that I lose myself and become someone I despise. May Allah keep me in The Straight Path.

May Allah forgive me.

Alhamdulillah for the many and frequent reminders. I miss that.

Come on

"Come on Umar, you can do it!"

Wow that's what Asmara said to Umar just now (when he was scared to get out of the elevator thinking the doors were going to close on him).

It's great because:
She speaks clearly.
She says it spontaneously.
She communicates her social emotions.
She does it complete with the intonation and an appropriate gesture (hand calling).

I think she has improved a lot the past month, alhamdulillah.

During our stay at Cik Nyah's, my family remarked at how much better she acts now. I watched how she seemed to be at ease playing and mingling with other kids.
The teachers of the daycare told me that she's impressed that Asmara can do a lot of things by herself now. And the owner happily told me how cheerful, and social Asmara is now.

We think she is getting out of her "own world" now. I think she is no longer struggling as much with sensory issues now. I think she is contented and happy to discover our world.

Alhamdulillah.
Allah is The Greatest.

She still has a long way to go.
I'll be here with you, baby, inshaAllah.
May Allah Help us.

Eid Mubarak!

Alhamdulillah we have a lot of reasons to celebrate.

Ramadhan Mubarak

I am one week late, but as the cliche goes... Better Late than Never! :-)

So alhamdulillah our Ramadhan started well. Actually I didn't go to work because  Asmara's fever got worse. Well, to be honest I would rather stay home with kids especially when they are sick. I also would rather not work during Ramadhan, finance's permitting.

I also delayed printing and laminating the kids' Ramadhan calendars. And we still don't have the stickers yet as of today. I did look at the stores and so far none is suitable. Maybe I'll use markers only this time?

Alhamdulillah Amira has been steadfast in getting up for sahur and completing her fasting. Even when she complained about how hot and tiring being in the school bus yesterday, she still persevered.

Umar... He fasted most of the day every day so far. His sahur is breakfast in the morning, and he breaks his fast at around 5pm. I hope he will eventually get to practice more inshaAllah.

Reminder to myself: Emphasize solat as well.

The first weekend was great too. I got to attend two events, one a whole day course, the other a two-hour lecture. Both by my favorite teachers from single years. Alhamdulillah.

So this year I got this idea of trying to make my Ramadhan greener, inshaAllah. My trips to the Ramadhan bazaar filled with mouth watering food so far ended up with many pieces of plastic bags in the garbage. That's not good. I would have to bring my own container, I suppose.

http://greenramadan.com/2015/05/three-reasons-to-stamp-out-styrofoam-this-ramadan/

May Allah grant us His Blessings.
May we emerge better people at the end of this Ramadhan.

All the best for the rest of Ramadhan and beyond, inshaAllah!

Indescribable Love

I thought the most indescribable love is of a mother to a child.
I was right until I found out that my youngest child has autism.

What Are Your Governing Values?

What Matters Most: The Power of Living Your Values

Hyrum W. Smith

Simon and Schuster, 9 Oct 2001 - Business & Economics - 256 pages

Pages 99-102, of Chapter 5: What Are Your Governing Values?

Laughing Man's Coffee & Tea

I am drooling, baby! ;-)

"I don't care who you are, everyone wants the whole planet to have equal opportunity to live. The sad part is knowing that generations of a family have never been out of the cycle of poverty, but we'll get to see it broken."

Hugh Jackman Attempts To Change The Course Of Global Poverty With His Coffee Brand
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7543066

Trudging Along

"Many people with autism can be productive and independent contributors in our community. But they can't do it alone, and neither can their families. Awareness is important, but action is what really counts."

Happy WED 2015

This is topic that is dear to my heart. I know there are a lot I still need to do to be a better occupant of this Earth.

Remember the 32:1 ratio.

"The WED theme this year is "Seven Billion Dreams. One Planet. Consume with Care." The well-being of humanity, the environment, and the functioning of the economy, ultimately depend on the responsible management of the planet's natural resources. And yet, evidence is building that people are consuming far more natural resources than what the planet can sustainably provide."

http://www.unep.org/wed/

Kisses test

"Can you kiss both my nose and my mouth?"
With a big smile, she kissed my nose and my mouth.

"Can you kiss my forehead and my cheeks?"
Cheeks!! With another big smile, she kissed my forehead and my left cheek and my right cheek.

Tickle tickle!! :-)

So this test shows that she understands:
Simple instuctions
The concept of "and"
Facial parts
The order of the instructions

Alhmdulillah.

Heart of a Muslim

Looking up at the sky, searching for Allah most High
He rejected the way of worshipping Gods of clay
Prophet Ibrahim knew that Allah was near
And that the heart of a Muslim is sincere

Under the hot burning sun, he declared God is one
Though with stones on his chest, his Imaan would not rest
The Muadhin knew that right would conquer wrong
And the heart of a Muslim must be strong

It's the heart of a Muslim through the guidance of Islam
That makes you fair and kind and helpful to your fellow man
So living as a Muslim means that you must play a part
Allah looks not at how you look, but what is in your heart

In our poor meager state, little food on our plate
Mother said she was glad, always sharing what we had
When I asked how can we share what's not enough
She said the heart of a Muslim's filled with love

He said its time you should know, you will learn as you grow
That some people around will do what's bad to bring you down
Father said to be a star that's shining bright
For the heart of a Muslim does what's right

It's the heart of a Muslim through the guidance of Islam
That makes you fair kind and helpful to your fellow man
So living as a Muslim means that you must play a part
Allah looks not at how you look, but what is in your heart

So whatever you do, make sure your words are true
Honesty is the best, because life is a test
Even if it hurts so much you want to cry
For the heart of a Muslim does not lie

Zain Bikha
Circa 2006

.. Growth & Development (cont'd)

And today I saw this.

Fun with Clay

So the kids got to make their own versions of strangely-shaped money inspired from the currency in the old days.. :-)

And extra play dough of various colors to bring home too.

Alhamdulillah.

Amazed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-skFgrV59A

Amazed
Lonestar 1999

Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take

Baby, when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away

I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better

I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark

Your hair all around me
Baby, you surround me
You touch every place in my heart

Oh, it feels like the first time every time
I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes

Growth & Development

That's her learning to use AND in her short sentences.

I admit. One of the things that I take for granted is the speech and language development of my neurotypical children. For my special daughter, we have to make extra efforts by sending her to therapies. In my interactions with her, I have to also me mindful of her special needs. I try doing it by demonstrating, prodding, encouraging, repeating, in every chance I get. I have no idea how difficult it is for her to verbalize, or if she simply chooses the easy way (by giving up verbalizing). I do know, though, that she needs more than what she gets now. NEED, not WANT. I do hope the little therapy we can afford for her still does help her improve her speech and language development.

Lately I frequently catch her playing pretend with her dolls: Dora and Boots, Owl, Monyet, Tiger, and the gang. She seems contented spending her time playing like that by herself. Happy and Safe. I didn't know the importance of pretend plays in the growth and development of children. Alhamdulillah for the dolls, time, space and peace we enjoy.. Things we always forget to appreciate, until any one of them is gone :-)

And I also notice that she initiates conversations too sometimes. This is an important development of her social skills. More importantly, is that she can verbalize (in her own cute way) what she needs when she has to. But when she is panicking (and she gets panicky a lot now that she is more aware of the "structured views" of her surrounding), she forgets her words, and I need to calmly but quickly help her find them. She still has a long way, i think, to go in developing the skill to tell stories. This is important for parents to have the children being able to tell them what happened when the parents were not around. What/who/when/how. We are working on it. Slowly but surely inshaAllah.

May Allah Help us.
And may Allah Bless the people who help us near and far.
And may Allah Return their kindness with even greater goodness.
InshaAllah.

One of my favorite phases of their growing up

Notes like this make my heart really swell with, of course, love. :-)
Now that my sob has learned to read and write, he has been practicing a lot. During this phase, just like his sister, he fills up a whole book of notes and sketches in no time. And I enjoy it when I stumble upon their Dear Dairy's, which frequently tell what happened that day and also express some of their unspoken feelings. This is also the time that I habitually write notes to them, complete with hearts and smileys all over them. I know they really love these notes.
And just now he showed me a yellow letter with the first line at the top. I was supposed to write on the next line. And so on. I saw his face brightened as he discovered my reply. Each time. This is heavenly. I love it. Alhamdulillah. :-) :-) :-)

Library

I finally got a chance to take the kids to the library. And it was more fun than I had thought it would be. Alhamdulillah

Decision Fatigue

As I meet more old friends lately, this topic is mentioned again. "You always wear black, don't you?"

I don't exactly always wear black.. Haha. But I got it.

And today I chanced upon this article.

Can Women Get Away With Wearing the Same Thing to Work Every Day?
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7000398
which also refers to this
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/1901070

So I am minimizing decision fatigue. Allah Knows!

I know I do right :p

Some quotes (the last one is hilarious):

.. whatever sphere you have a lot of options in is one where decision fatigue is much likelier," Vohs explains in an email. "So, if a woman has a lot of clothes, the need to make repeated decisions grows." That leads to mental fatigue, eroding your ability to make more important decisions that may come up at the office or at home.

..

As for me, since I went from relaxed single person sipping coffee and contemplating my day to frenzied working mother trying to get out the door while fending off small peanut-buttered hands, I've pared back my closet.

..

Still, a lot of people seem to think women -- who, I suppose, are the brightly colored peacocks of the human race -- should be expected to adorn themselves differently each day. Presumably to attract the duller birds.

#LIUB #AutismAwareness

For you, Asmara, and every other people on the spectrum.
With lots of 💙💙💙

Impressed

I am very happy with the airfryer. Asmara loves fish chips and it's high in protein but we worry about the oil needed to fry them. And alhamdulillah now I can really be happy with her enjoying one of the very few food she eats. My job is to find and buy quality raw fish chips, and cook them at 200C for two minutes, sans the normal mess of frying! Alhamdulillah.

My attempt to make fresh sweet potato chips didn't go well. OK I will try again with consistent thickness of the slices and less amount in each frying :-p

I am also excited to try out homemade dishes especially "baked" kinds now that we can pretend to have a small oven with faster cooking time and less electricity usage. The kids helped me make banana cake last weekend. It was fun at least. Although it was dry, the kids still love eating it alhamdulillah :-) Next is carrot cake, hopefully? InshaAllah.

I need to add more fruits and vegetables in our diets.. that the kids would actually eat. May Allah help us.

Alhamdulillah.

Sensory Integration Therapy

That's the end of joint compressions, a part of the Wilbarger Protocol of brushing her limbs and back. I need to do this to Asmara every two waking hours for a month, which I am unable to commit at this point. I believe she needs this to overcome her sensory integration disorder. I think resolving this problem would automatically improve her other symptoms such as balancing and coordination (gross motor), oral defensiveness, and anxiety.

I had been looking for weekend sessions for her. Looking at the rate I am taking leave so far this year, I am afraid I will run out of leave even before the middle of the year. And that is really unsustainable.

It has been a great relief for me to find this therapy center.
- It's open on weekends and most Public Holidays. And Asmara gets a slot!
- It also offers Speech Therapy. And Asmara gets back-to-back sessions.
- It has competitive pricing. It's half of what we are paying for previously.
- The therapists are highly qualified, with PhD / BSc and relevant experience. They speak English well and they are passionate!
- It's not far from our place
- The parking is much cheaper and closer

The place is humble, which explains the costing. I hope we get more out of it.

May Allah show us the way.

The Musician

Long Weekend.. So far

I found myself bored on Saturday. Mak was at the kampung but I didn't plan to balik kampung due to financial constraints, although kids already got excited and wanted to pack their bags.

I realized how great it feels actually to just sit on the couch with baby on my lap, eating her favorite fruit - tiny mandarins - in a bowl of her favorite color - orange :-) I forgot I don't get a lot of moments like this.

Anyway alhamdulillah for a friend who earlier had asked us out for dinner. I had been reluctant because it's challenging just to be out handling baby by myself. I normally couldn't even finish my food. But since we were bored at home, i decided to let someone else drive us to a restaurant I haven't been to. The Chinese Muslim restaurant was good alhamdulillah.

Chewy Tube

Alhamdulillah the tube arrived at my office early this week. I had to order it online although I had driven to the store a fortnight ago and actually found it,  but it was closed.

Not only is it much more expensive than in the US, I also had to pay RM10 for shipping and another RM10 in loss of currency because I had to pay with PayPal. But it's worth it when asked "Do you like the chewy toy?" And her reply was "I love the chewy toy!" (pronounced really babyish).

:-))

Now I hope she gets the oral stimulation she needs without chewing hair, paper, eraser, and other "biteable and swallowable" but inedible stuff. Insha'Allah.

Hero

Hero
Mariah Carey
1993

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away, hey

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
'Cause you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Today we had a fun outing. It's a pleasant surprise alhamdulillah

Chewy

Now that she bites/eats/chews /licks a more variety of non-edible food - toothbrushes, hair, clothes, rubber erasers, paper - so far, I discovered that it has to do with her oral sensory problems.

http://www.specialneeds.com/products-and-services/autism/chewing-and-autism

Alhamdulillah again for the abundance of knowledge resources available online. It's just that i may be learning about this too slow.

May Allah give me the strength and patience and ability to do what's necessary.

So hopefully i can get her some of the tools to help her deal with this problem Insha'Allah.

Here's why

Why do I go crazy sometimes?
Alhamdulillah for a good article. Check it out.

https://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php?146-Why-do-psychopaths-put-us-on-the-defense

So the psychopath says all sorts of ridiculous things, and you're suddenly defending yourself from accusations you've never even dreamed of. How could you not? Your name is being smeared—if not to others, then to the partner who supposedly loves you. So you get caught up in trying to prove them wrong, and that's where the calculated self-destruction begins.

The psychopath can sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. They can calmly point to the hysterical victim and say "Jeez, that poor, crazy person…" Essentially, they provoke your anger, and then calmly use it to prove their own point.

Party

We had a great time alhamdulillah.
Amira won 5th prize.
Umar's was amazing too.
Asmara got to color some and dance too.